
The Fleeing Flyer. 




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THE FLEEING FLYER 



B ^atcc m One Bet 



BY 

F, J. VREELAND 



Copyright, 1914, by Dick & Fitzgerald 



NEW YORK 
DICK & FITZGERALD 

18 Ann Street 



THE FLEEING FLYER. < 

— ■?%^A^ 

CHARACTERS. |^^ 

George Humphries, age about 27 Engaged to Florence 

James Ryder, age about 27 Aviator 

Sheriff Hopkins, age about 50. 
Deputy Sheriff, age about 36. 
Florence Gleason, age about 25. 

Grace Gleason, age about 20 Florence's sister 

Mrs. Humphries, age about 50 George's mother 

Time. — The present. Locality. — A country town. 

Time of Playing. — One and one-quarter hours. 

COSTUMES. 

Modern, and appropriate to the characters portrayed. 

INCIDENTAL PROPERTIES. 

Matches, hammock and books for Humphries. Barograph 
for Ryder. Mackintosh in closet, for Florence. Bottles in 
window-seat. Bell off stage. 

STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

As seen by a performer on the stage, facing the audience, b. 
means right hand; l., left hand; c, center of stage; r. 1 e., 
right first entrance, l. 1 e., left first entrance, d. l. c, door 
left of center in rear flat. Up means toward back of stage; 
DOWN, toward footlights. 



^ TMP92-007593 

JAN -3 1914 ■ 

g)GLD 35531 



THE FLEEING FLYER. 



SCENE. — Sitting-room of the Humphries house in the 
country. A Sunday afternoon in summer. Large hay 
window in c, rear flat. Window-seat with lid; several 
cushions on ivindow-seat, and numerous bottles in the 
window-seat. Closet with door, at r. ; mackintosh, etc., 
hanging in closet. Table with a lamp, up r. Chair at l. 
of table. Doors at r. 1 e., l. 1 e., and l. of c, in rear. 
Chairs and other furnishings. Netrsj}apcrs on table and 
ivindoic-seat. DISCOVERED Florence in chair l. of 
table, trying to read a newspaper, despite the semi- 
darkness of the room. Grace on window-seat. 

Florence. Light the lamp, please, Grace. It's getting so 
stormy I can hardly read. 

Grace {not moving). Why not try lighting it yourself for 
a change, Florence? 

Florence {laying down paper with ominous calmness). 
So, Miss Grjico, yon think you can keep on in the gay way 
you've done ever since we've been here, do you? Well, you'll 
just stop it, — especially with George. You're altogether too 
friendly with him for an intended sister-in-law. 

Grace {tossing her head). Friendly, indeed! It's your 
young man who's friendly. Why don't you regulate him 
better? 

Florence {sharply). That'll do, Grace! You shan't run 
him down, even if he is to become your brother-in-law. 
{She picks up paper indignantly) 

ENTER George Humphries l. 1 e. He is a young man too 
languid to make up his mind whether or not life is a bore. 

Humphries {glancing at the sisters as he subsides into a 

3 



4 The Fleeing Flyer. 

chair). Hello! Why all the strongly suppressed emotion on 
this holy Sabbath? 

Floeence (looking sconifully at Grace). Oh, I just asked 
Grace to light the lamp, George. But she considered me one 
of those family troubles that are better kept dark. 

Grace. I didn't! 

Humphries. Never mind, Grace. I'll stand up for you. 
(Rises and goes over to the lamp, taking out a match) 

Florence. Now, George, let her do it. 

Humphries (lighting lamp). No, Florence, your charm- 
ing sister should be allowed to disturb herself only by the 
ordinary style of brother-in-law. (Strolls over to the windoiv) 

Florence (giving paper a short, fierce shake). Oh! 
(Resumes reading angrily) 

Humphries. My, how stormy it's become, — outside, I mean. 
I hope it doesn't prevent the aeroplane flight at the fair 
grounds — don't you, Grace? (Grace turns away silently) 

Florence (resentfully). Here are some headlines that say 
they may not have the flight under any conditions. 

Humphries. Kindly favor us with a recital of them. 

Florence (reading). "Sheriff means to stop flight for 
world's height record — against law on Sunday — but promoters 
determined to send up a man." 

Humphries. Has the man a name? 

Florence. Let me see. (Runs eye down paper. With sur- 
prise) Why — it's James Ryder! 

Humphries ) . • .^ -r -r^ ^ . 

Grace i (*w^'P^'*^^<^)- James Ryder! 

Grace. Why, Florence, that can't be your old beau! 

Humphries (suddenly aroused from his languor). What's 
that? (To Florence) When was Jimmie Ryder your beau? 

Florence (assuming the airy languor Humphries has cast 
off). Oh, several years ago, at our last acquaintance. 

Humphries. To be continued in your next, I suppose? 

Florence. Now don't be silly. Jimmie is probably a better 
hand at killing himself for money than at killing time for me. 

Grace (protestingly) . Florence! 

Florence. Did I make one of your idols tumble in the 
dust? 

Grace. I don't care, Mr. Ryder was a nice man, and you 
shan't talk like that, even if he didn't become my brother-in- 
law. (She tosses her Head, turns her hack on her sister, and 
reads paper eagerly) 



The Fleeing Flyer. 5 

ENTER L. 1 E., Mrs. Humphries, a fussy old lady who is 
always arranging things, closing doors, etc. 

Mrs. Humphries. Who left out that hammock with all 
those books? 

Florence. I did, Mrs. Humphries. 

Humphries. Then I suppose it's up to me to bring them in. 
Nobody else would rather? 

Florence, Jimmie Ryder might. (Humphries makes a 
gesture of uneasiness) 

Grace. Oh, do you think he'll come? 

Mrs. Humphries. Who? 

Humphries (resentfully). Jimmie Ryder, a former lord- 
in-waiting of Florence's. 

Mrs Humphries. The idea ! He certainly shan't come, not 
if I — (Vivid flash of lightning and loud clap of thunder out- 
side. Florence and Grace jump to their feet loith exclama- 
tions of fright) 

Florence, (hurriedly). I — I think I'll go up to my room. 

Humphries. And hide in the closet. 

Mrs. Humphries (as she, Grace and Florence move toward 
R. 1 E. ). George, bring in that hammock. (Loud clap of 
thunder) [EXIT all ladies hastily r, 1 e. 

Humphries. Dash the hammock! (Dashes out d. l. c. In 
the play of lightning outside a man i7i a mackintosh is seen 
to peer into the room, open a loindow and step in, limping 
a little as he rubs his left knee vigorously. At the same 
moment Humphries RE-ENTERS d. l. c. carrying a ham- 
mock containing books in his left hand. Drops hammock on 
his left foot) Jimmie Ryder! (Grabs his foot ivildly and 
hops about on his right leg) 

Ryder. Humphries, by George! What luck! (Extending 
right hand, while his left continues rubbing knee) Awfully 
glad to see you again. 

Humphries (on one leg, shaking hands). Glad to see you — 
(Rubbing foot) confound it! Why are you making such a 
fuss? 

Ryder (rubbing with increased vigor). Nearly fell down 
that old hidden well outside. Say, hide me away, will you? 

Humphries (in his surprise standing on hurt foot). Hide 
you away! (Snatching up foot again) Confound it! Why? 

Ryder. Sheriff's after me. You know — Sunday flying. 

Humphries. But why should he think you're around here? 
Bypb^ (pointing out window toward l.) My aeroplane'^ 



6 The Fleeing Flyer. 

over there — gasoline gave out. And this is the nearest house. 

Humphries. Then — then wouldn't it be safer to cut and 
run for it? 

Ryder. Out in this open country, with the sheriff and his 
deputies on horseback? Fine weather for such a frolic! Be- 
sides, they're only a mile or so up the road. You'll have to 
hide me quickly. 

Humphries {limping irresolutely up and down). Yes — 
er — but I have some friends staying with me 

Ryder. Well, I don't want to crowd anyone out of a room. 
Just give me a place to hide. 

Humphries. But I don't want my friends brought into any 
trouble 

Ryder (impatiently). Oh, nonsense, none of you'll run any 
risks. Just put it up to them. You'll see they'll agree fast 
enough. 

Humphries. But — but if everybody knew the secret the 
sheriff might hear of it. 

Ryder. Oh, stop trifling. Won't you do this for the sake 
of old acquaintance? I'm not here to visit anyone. I'm 
anxious to be off and get my barograph calibrated and 
endorsed. 

Humphries. You are? 

Ryder. Yes, — to confirm the new altitude record I made 
this afternoon, (He takes harograph from his pocket) Here 
it is! (Humphries examines barograph) Come, you won't 
refuse greatness when he's thrust upon you. (Storm outside 
is subsiding) 

Humphries (reluctantly). All right. But — let me see-p 
where shall I hide you? (Removing cushions and pilloivs 
from icindow-scat, and lifting lid) How would this do? 

Ryder. The very thing! (Leaning over and looking in) 
But it won't help to lie on all these bottles. (He lifts a brown 
bottle out of window-seat) 

Humphries (taking more bottles out of window-seat). Oh, 
the family medicines. We'll put them all here. (Puts bottles 
in closet at r.) 

Ryder (inspecting label of bottle he has just picked out of 
seat). You say these are family medicines? 

Humphries (still in closet). Yes. Why? 

Ryder. H'm ! You have queer names for family medicines. 

Humphries (emerging from closet). What do you mean? 

Ryder. This label says " Wilson's Whiskey." And in a dry 



The Fleeing Flyer. 7 

county like this! Well, I'm dry too. {Uncorks bottle and 
lifts it to his lips) 

Humphries {grahhing his arm). You fool, that's hair- 
wash! 

Ryder. Hair- wash? Isn't that wasting good whiskey? It 
would go to your head anyway. 

Humphries. No, no! Some of these are home-made 
medicines, put in old bottles. {Picking out several) See! 
The others have the name of the medicine on their labels. 
{With a sigh Ryder relinquishes bottle and Humphries puts 
it in closet) 

Ryder. Somebody's coming! {Squeezes hastily into itindoW' 
seat and lowers cover. Humphries leaps on window-seat 
just before Florence ENTERS r. 1 e. The storm has ceased) 

Florence. Where's that newspaper? {Teasinghj) I want 
to see if there's anything more about Jimmie Ryder. {Pick- 
ing np the paper) When I read in the paper about such a 
lofty aviator, it seems to bring me very near to him. {8he 
sits on loindow-seat) 

Humphries {scowling and making way for her nervously 
and looking anxiously down at cushions). I don't see why 
you take such a perverted interest in him. 

Florence. Perverted? Why? 

Humphries. Well, he was always so flighty. 

Florence {looking up from paper). Flighty? Why, you 
talk as though he were beneath you. {She looks out window 
toward l. then suddenly drops paper on window-seat) Why, 
what's that? 

Humphries {starting and looking out ivindow in opposite 
direction). I see nothing! 

Florence. No, over here! I do believe it's — an aeroplane! 

Humphries. No, a cow ! 

Florence. What, with that kind of tail? 

Humphries. Nonsense! Only your fancy — it's too dark to 
see anything. 

Florence {disregarding him). It must be Jimmie's, then! 
{Rapturously) Oh, isn't it splendid! And — why, there are 
some men riding around it. (Humphries looks out window 
in alarm. Florence goes toward closet r.) 

Humphries {turning around sharply). What are you going 
to do? 

Florence. Get a mackintosh and find out about Jimmie, of 
course. 



8 The Fleeing Flyer. 

* 

Humphries. No, you'd better go to your room. 

Florence (coolly). Oh, indeed! And why, if you please? 

Humphries. You — you might find the aviator badly in- 
jured — may be killed. It's quite the thing, you know. 

Florence {indignantly). Then why don't you go out and 
help the poor man? Bring him here! 

Humphries. But there isn't any poor man! 

Florence (pushing him). Go and see. 

Humphries. I can't. I don't dare budge. I — I'm feeling 
out of sorts. 

Florence (softening). Then let me get you some medicine 
out of the window-seat. 

Humphries (alarmed). Oh, no, no! It's nothing, really. 
I'll bear up bravely, thank you. 

Florence (stiffening again). Then you could go out and 
see about poor Jimmie. 

Humphries (taken ahacTc). But — er — I might get caught 
in some more 

Florence (scornfully). Rain? 

Humphries. No — thunder. (Looking out iiindow) Quick! 
The sher — the storm's coming! (Standing np and taking her 
arm) There's a better closet up stairs. (She frees her arm 
and marches disdainfully toivard r. 1 e. Remorsefully) 
Don't be angry. I 

[EXIT Florence r. 1 e. unheeding. Humphries clutches his 
hair and sinks hack on window-seat, then jumps up at 
the sound of a vigorous tapping underneath him. He 
puts aside cushions, etc., and lifts lid. Ryder's face 
appears, purple and distressed. 

Ryder (thickly, waving his arms). Stand back! Give me 
air. (Pants heavily. Suddenly) Say, who was that? Her 
beautiful voice 

Humphries (savagely). Nobody you've a right to know, 
confound you! (Glancing out of ivindoiv) Here, get back, 
the sheriff has come! (Pushes Ryder down. Loud ringing 
of bell off stage. Humphries slams down lid and hurls hack 
cushions, etc., then EXITS d. l. c, cautiously closing door 
after him. Florence peeps in at r. 1 e., steals to closet r. and 
looking warily toivard d. l. c, removes mackintosh from closet, 
then donning it hastily EXITS r. 1 e.) 

ENTER Humphries, Sheriff Hopkins and a Deputy-sheriff, 

D. L. c. 



The i'leeing Flyer. 9 

Sheriff (to Deputy). Look around up stairs. 

[EXIT Deputy l. 1 e.) 

Humphries. But I tell you, sheriff, you won't find him 
here. 

Sheriff. And I tell you I will find him here. (Goes to 
window-seat, to the alarm of Humphries, kneels on it and 
opens a window) Hi, Evans, search the cellar! The rest of 
you kin kindly lay around outside the house, — only don't snore 
too loud! (Shutting ivindoiv and turning to Humphries) 
Now, young feller, will you give him up? 

Humphries {irritably). Do you think I'm running a road 
house for highflyers? If he's been here he's already made him- 
self scarce. 

Sheriff. We'll soon see about that, lemme tell you, they 
may allow this here Sunday flyin' in furrin parts, but not in 
this United States. (Opens closet door and looks in. Spies 
bottles on floor, picks up brown one and reads label) Well! 
So that's why the errynort come here ! Looks like you are 
runnin' a road-house fer highflyers. You know this little col- 
lection o' yourn is agin the law in this county? 

Humphries. Why, confound it! those are only family 
medicines. (Putting several others on table) Look! 

Sheriff. They be, be they? I'll just make sure fer myself. 
(Uncorks bottle in his hand) 

Humphries. Oh, no doubt of it. (Sheriff drinks, then sets 
bottle on table hastily. An awful expression crosses his face, 
he rushes out d. l. c. Lid of icindow-seat rises and Ryder's 
head bobs up) 

Ryder (thickly). Say now, who was she? 

Humphries (rushing to Ryder). Get back, you fool! 
(Crams Ryder down and sJiuts lid) 

ENTER Sheriff d. l. c. 

Sheriff (wrathfully, shaking his finger). I've a good mind 
to take you along fer tryin' to poison me and interfere with 
the law. 

ENTER Deputy, l. 1 e. 

Deputy. Sheriff, there's a door locked upstairs. 

Humphries. It's only a store-room — full of more family 
medicines. 

Sheriff. Come along. We'll see if these ain't another 
Idnd. 



10 The Fleeing Flyer. 

Humphries. Very well, since you want to sample them 
too. 

Sheriff (to Deputy). Here, you, you needn't come in on 
this. {Pointing to R.) You better keep watch out back. 

(EXIT Deputy r. 1 e. Sheriff and Humphries EXIT l. 1 e. 
Lid of window-seat rises and Ryder's apoplectic coun- 
tenance appears. He hangs over edge of window-seat 
limply, panting heavily) 

ENTER Grace quietly r. 1 e., unseen hy Ryder. She starts 
when she observes him. 

Grace. Mr. Ryder! (Ryder pops hack in tvindow-seat, 
slamming lid. Grace goes over and taps on it. No ansiver. 
Lifts lid, Ryder looks up at her in surprise) 

Ryder. Why, if it isn't Grace! {Shaking hands) Hello, 
Grace, how are you? {Still holding her hand) My, but you've 
become quite a young lady. Perhaps I'm not to call you Grace 
any more. 

Grace. You may, — if you like. 

Ryder. Of course I like. I guess we're still friends, even 
if you have changed. You really have, you know. You've 
grown taller and pretty — different. You must be as large as 
your sister. {Drops her hand abruptly at word sister. With 
formal politeness) Er — how is your sister? 

Grace {quickly). All right — how did you get here? 

Ryder {ruefully). Oh, escaping from the sheriff, of course, 
for trying to break my neck on Sunday. 

Grace {anxiously). Oh, did you fall? 

Ryder. No, but the height record did. That is, it went up. 

Grace. And who stowed you away here? 

Ryder. Humphries. The house is surrounded. But for 
Heaven's sake take me away ! 

Grace. Why? 

Ryder. This seat is likely at any minute to turn into a 
coffin. 

Grace {after reflecting a moment). Come, I know a way 
out back! (Ryder climbs out) [EXIT both quickly, r 1 e. 

ENTER Humphries breathlessly l. 1 e. 

Humphries {in a stage ivhisper, peeping, fearfully out 
L. 1 E.). Quick, Ryder, come out! It's your only chance^ 



The Fleeing Flyer. 11 

(Noise outside e.) Sh! {Leaps frantically on lid and sits 
there apprehensively, then steals nervously to r. 1 e., ducking 
his head hastily out the door several times) Come on! It's 
all right. I've given the sheriff the slip. Hurry up! Don't 
be so scared! Confound you! why don't you come out? 
(Rushes angrily over to windotv-seat, lifts lid and sees empty 
interior) Good Lord! Flown again! 

ENTER Mbs Humphries e. 1 e. 

Mrs. Humphries (rather disturbed). Where has Florence 
gone? 

Humphries (startled). Why, isn't she in the house? 

Mrs. Humphries. I can't find her anywhere. 

Humphries (letting lid slam and sitting down, staggered). 
Good Heavens! Both of them gone together! 

ENTER Sheriff briskly l. 1 E. 

Sheriff. So here you are! Well, sonny, will you tell me 
where he is? 

Humphries. Go to blazes! 

Sheriff. Don't think I'd find him there. 

Humphries (almost foaming at the mouth). I tell you, 
sheriff, as true as I'm standing here I don't know! I wish to 
Heaven I did! 

Sheriff. Mislaid him, have you? Maybe a trip to jail will 
spruce up your memory. 

Mrs. Humphries. Take my son to jail! How dare you! 

Sheriff. I got to enforce the law, and I'm after a man 
he's suppressed. 

Mrs. Humphries. Nonsense! Who is it? 

Sheriff. Name o' James Ryder. 

Mrs. Humphries. James Ryder! Why that's Florence's 
former — (To Humphries) Didn't I say that man was not to 
come here? I hardly thought you would welcome him. 

Humphries. I didn't! 

Mrs. Humphries. Then why don't you give him up? 

Humphries. But I haven't got him! Oh, if I could only 
get him once! 

Mrs. Humphries (to Sheriff). You see? He isn't here. 

Sheriff. Excuse me, ma'am, but he is. 

Mrs. Humphries. Then why don't you look for him, instead 
of dragging my poor boy off to jail? 



%2 The Fleeing Flyer. 

• 
Sheriff (sulmissively). I done my best, ma'am. I looked 

all over. 
Mrs. Humphries. Look again! We'll all look. (To 

Humphries) Come, look your best. (Sheriff EXITS meekly 

ivith Mrs. Humphries and George l. 1 e. Mrs. Humphries 

fussily closes door after them) 

ENTER Grace and Ryder quickly r. 1 e., go over to window- 
seat. 

Grace (lifting lid). Get in before the deputy catches us. 

Ryder (climbing into window-seat). What'll you do? 

Grace (going d. l. c). Lead him off the track. 

Ryder (loivering lid with a groan). And then good-bye to 
this Turkish bath. 

Grace. Surely, slip off. (Stands a moment d. l. c. watching 
until the Deputy appears r. 1 e., then EXITS d. l. c. slam- 
ming door behind her) 

Deputy (rushing toward d. l. c). Sheriff! Hey, sheriff! 
(Trips on floor, scrambles to his feet again) Sheriff, sheriff! 

ENTER Sheriff suddenly l. 1 e. 

Sheriff. Well? (They collide. Deputy is bowled over, 
Sheriff staggers back against door) 

Deputy (scrambling to his feet). I've nearly got 'em. 

Sheriff (tartly). Nearly? You mean you've got 'em bad. 

Deputy. I mean that errynort and a girl — looks like a 
runaway couple. 

Sheriff. Where did they go? 

Deputy (pointing d. l. c). Through there. 

Sheriff. Come! (They dash out d. l. c. Lid of window- 
seat lifts a little, while Ryder peers around, taking deep 
breaths, then it closes, as footsteps are heard) 

ENTER Humphries l. 1 e. 

Humphries (despairingly clutching his hair). Good 
Heavens! Where is she? (Ryder lifts lid and rises before 
him. Humphries staggers back as though he has seen a 
ghost) You! (Recovering himself and starting forward 
furiously to clutch Ryder) Where is she? (Ryder pops back 



The Fleeing Flyer. 13 

into window-seat. Humphries lifts lid, clutches Ryder hy the 
throat and hauls him out. Fiercely) Where is she? 

Ryder {in a strangled voice, grabbing Humphries' hands). 
Leggo ! I've been choked enough. 

Humphries {shaking him furiously). Tell me where she 
is! 

Ryder. All right. I'll tell. (Humphries relaxes grip. 
Ryder feels his throat tenderly and gasps for breath) Well, 
she's gone 

Humphries. Gone ! 

Ryder. Why yes, out there,— to draw the sheriff and deputy 
away. 

Humphries {explosively, moving toward d. l. c). Oh, she 
has, has she? 

Ryder. Say, why do you act like grand opera over this? 

Humphries {turning near the door). Why? Don't you 
know we're engaged? 

Ryder {wincing and sitting down on the window-seat, 
crushed). Good Lord! {Despondently) No chance for me 
in the family. 

Humphries {calmer). Her sister still remembers you — 
with interest. {Severely) But mind, if I ever catch you 
again 

Ryder {dejectedly). All right. 

EXIT Humphries d. l. c. Outside door is heard to slam. 
Ryder rises spiritlessly, stands motionless a second, picks 
np coats, drops them disconsolately, and sits down again 
with a sigh. Starts up again as Grace ENTERS d. l. c. 

Grace {in dismay). You! Oh, why haven't you gone? 
Go, go! 

Ryder {reluctantly). But the sheriff will get me! 

Grace, He's fallen down the old well. 

Ryder {delightedly). Oh, did you lead him into it? {Ex- 
tending his arms impulsively) Oh, I could — {Recollecting 
himself) No, I can't! {Turns his hack on her moodily and 
folds his arms) 

Grace. Oh, go, go! 

Ryder. Oh, what's the use? Wish I was down the well! 

Grace {stamping her foot in vexation). Why, oh, why don't 
you leave? 

Ryder. But why get rid of me when you've got rid of the 
3herifie? 



14 The Fleeing Flyer. 

m 

Grace. But he's being fished out by all his men. The way 
is clear now. 

ENTER Florence r. 1 e. wearing mackintosh. 

Florence {advancing cordiaUy, loith outstretched hand). 
Why, Jimmie Ryder! How are you? {They shake hands) 
But you're not going, are you? {Hangs mackintosh in closet) 
You really must stay. 

Ryder. Oh, no, I can't. 

Florence. Why? 

Ryder, I'm running away from the sheriff. 

Florence. Where is he? 

Ryder. Down the old well. Grace kindly led him into it. 

Florence. Wait. You must tell George. He'll be only too 
glad to help you away. 

Grace. He knows already. 

Florence. What's he doing now? 

Ryder. Looking for Grace. 

Florence. What ! 

Ryder. Yes. He became — er — rather excited when he 
found she'd gone off with me. {Feels neck tenderly) 

Florence {ominously). Oh, he did, did he? 

Ryder {glancing with a preoccupied sigh at Grace who is 
looking out of window). Can't say I blame him. {Recollect^ 
ing himself) That is, I — er 

Florence {frigidly). Oh, you don't! 

Ryder. Yes — no — er 

Florence {tvith freezing dignity). You needn't explain. 
I have my own opinion of coquetry. {Glares at her sister, 
who glares back, as Ryder, hetween the two sisters, turns 
dejectedly away from Florence just in time to mistake 
Grace's angry glance for himself. He is taken aback) 

Ryder {pointing to himself). Me? {Extending hands 
protestingly totvard Grace) What have I done — (ENTER 
Humphries d. l. c. Ryder starts guiltily and wheels around, 
extending hands toivard Florence. Feverishly) When will 
you go with me 

Humphries {advancing threateningly). Florence! And 
you! At it again! 

Ryder. At what again? 

Humphries {fiercely). Don't tell me you don't know what 
you're doing. 



The Fleeing Flyer. 15 

Rydeb (angrily). Now look here, will you stop your 
nonsense? 

Humphries. Will you stop yours? 

Ryder. Mine? (With a gesture toward Florence) I didn't 
start this! 

Humphries. What! You didn't! 

Florence {interposing letween Ryder and Humphries). 
Stop! {Pushing Ryder toward r.) Don't stop! 

Ryder {to Humphries). No! I wasn't anxious for this! 
You suggested it. 

Humphries. / suggested it! Good Heavens! The man's 
mad! Florence, get behind me. 

Florence {coolly). Not till you've told me why you ran 
after Grace. 

Humprhies. Grace! Nonsense! Why do you say that? 

Florence. Jimmie said so. 

Humphries {turning irately upon Ryder). So, you're a 
liar too ! 

Ryder. Liar yourself! Why do you deny the truth? 

Humphries. The truth! Good Heavens! He is cracked! 

Grace {who has been looking out tvindow toward l.). 
Quick, the sheriff's coming! (Ryder makes a frantic dive, 
head foremost, into window-seat, tut sticks half-ivay, with 
toildly waving legs. Grace attempts to shut lid on him and 
piles sofa cushions on top) 

ENTER Sheriff d. l. c, wet and draggled, rushes over and 
pulls Ryder out by the legs. 

Humphries. Careful, sheriff, he's mad! 

Sheriff {dragging Ryder toward d l. c). By gum, mad 
or not, here's where I do some enforcin' o' the law at last! 

Ryder {struggling). Let me go! 

Sheriff. Yes, if we was over to Europe I'd let you go. 
But not in the land o' the free! {Continues to pull Ryder) 

Ryder. Sheriff !— 

Florence \ 

Grace C {blocking Sheriff's way). Sheriff! 

Humphries ) 

Sheriff. Git away, or you'll all come! {To Grace) By 
gum, I guess I'll take you along anyway, fer leadin' me off 
into that well. 

Humphries. What! That isn't right! 

Sheriff (tartly), Objectin' again, eh? I've a derned good 



16 The Fleeing Flyer. 

mind to take you too. I been keepin' an eye on you, young 
feller. You hid this errynort, and I'll bet you put her up to 
drowndin' me. 

Humphries. Oh, you're mistaken. You didn't follow her. 

Sheriff (wrathfully). Do I look like I didn't? 

Humphries. But she can't be the one who led you off. 

Sheriff. Do you mean to sujest I lost my senses down 
that well? If it wasn't her, who was it, smarty? 

Humphries (stepping in front of Florence with folded 
arms). I refuse to tell! 

Sheriff. Oh, you can't fool me that way. (Pointing to 
Grace) I know it was her. 

Humphries (perplexed). Are you sure? 

Sheriff (irately). Sure? Say, what's the matter with 
you? (Going to Humphries) By gum, you'll join us too. 
I guess you're the one that's crazy. 

Florence (interposing). You shan't arrest him! 

Sheriff (shaking his finger at her). Interferin' with the 
law, eh? Well, youll keep him company! 

Florence (placing herself beside Humphries). Very well, 
then! (Sheriff is disconcerted) Arrest him if you must, 
but don't say he's crazy! He's the only intelligent man here. 

Humphries (earnestly). Florence, do you believe that? 

Florence. Certainly. Don't you? 

Humphries (reproachfully). Then why did you go off with 
him? (Indicating Ryder) 

Florence. Go off with him ! The idea ! Now you're not 
intelligent. (Humphries and Ryder start and turn excitedly 
toward each other) 

Humphries and Ryder (together). Say, who did you think — 
(Stop and glare at each other) 

Sheriff (taking Ryder's right arm). Come along! 

Humphries and Ryder (together). Was it — (Stop and glare 
again. Then very loud and fast) Did you mean Florence that 
time? 

Humphries. Yes ! 

Ryder. No ! 

Humphries. What! Then it tvas Grace I was running 
after, though it was Florence I had in mind all the time! 

Ryder (eagerly). Then — then you're engaged 

Humphries. To Florence, of course. 

Ryder (freeing his right arm from the Sheriff's hold and 
shaking hands heartily with Humphbues). Many happy re- 



The Fleeing Flyer. IT 

turns — I mean congratulations! (Continues shaking hands 
vigorously until the Sheriff recaptures Ryder's arm) 

ENTER Mrs. Humphries l. 1 e. 

Mrs. Humphries {advancing severely on Ryder). Is this 
Jimmie Ryder, Florence's 

Humphries. Yes. 

Mrs. Humphries. Then take him out of the house at once, 
sheriff ! 

Sheriff. Yes'm ! 

Humphries. But it's all right, mother. I don't want him 
to go. 

Sheriff (pulling Ryder toward d. l. c). Oh, don't you? 
Well, I guess your ma knows best. (To Ryder) Come along! 
My clothes is ticklin'. 

Ryder (swinging doggedly away from Sheriff's grip). 
See here, sheriff, give me a chance to have my say. Can't you 
overlook this? It would be only a small matter, but you 
would be doing a service to the biggest thing to-day. Now- 
adays everybody with the least intelligence is crazy about 
flying. Why, over in Europe the highest persons would give 
their lives for a flight. 

Sheriff. You come along. I ain't never favored that furrin 
truck. 

Grace. But he's just made a new altitude record. 

Ryder (taking out barograph eagerly). Yes, here's the 
instrument that shows how high I went. 

Sheriff. What do I care how high you went, so long's you 
came down fer me to git you? Out you go ! The town's anxious 
to have me tell 'em about this. 

Grace (desperately). But — but, sheriff, he's beaten all the 
great foreign aviators. (Picking up newspaper and showing 
it to Sheriff) See, this tells about their records. (The 
Sheriff stops and looks at barograph and newspaper, then 
goes and opens window) 

Sheriff. Hey there, stop chewin' grass and spread your- 
selves all around the house. Don't let anything get by you. 
(Shuts window) 

Humphries. What's that for? 

Sheriff. So's he don't get away. 

Ryder (dejectedly). Then you're not going to let me off? 



18 The Fleeing Flyer. 

Sheriff. I'm going to bring the whole blamed town here! 
(Goes to D. L. c.) 
Ryder (in alarm). The whole town! Why? 
Sheriff. To celebrate your beatin' them furriners! 
Mrs. Humphries. But on Sunday! 

Sheriff. Dern Sunday! [EXIT d. l. c. 

Ryder (to Grace). I'd rather it was to celebrate my meet- 
ing you again. 
Grace. I prefer it as it is — in honor of you. 

Curtain. 



1 



JEMIMA 

OR 

THE WITCH of BENDER 

COMEDY IN THREE ACTS 

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